News

The News is a part of Antimatter Dimensions that displays text moving from right to left, saying something from memes to the actual game. These may be spoilers or have profanity in them (but isn't profanity shown everywhere?), so you might not want to read it, and could also reference memes (and more). Some news are only available with certain conditions in the game. News can be shown and hidden in options. (These are copied from newsticker.js)

An achievement is only available with having news on ("FAKE NEWS!") for encountering 50 news messages.

Normal (doesn't require anything)

The cookie is a lie. (reference to "the cake is a lie" joke)

Antimatter cookies have been confirmed to not exist, whoever claims that, stop.

Antimatter ghosts do not exist. Just like matter ghosts. They don't have any matter, for that matter.

Nuclear power plants have been abandoned in favor of antimatter power.

Antimatter prices have drastically dropped due to newfound abundance.

In the news today, humans make a antimatter animal sacrifice to the antimatter god.

You made one antimatter! Whatever that means.

Scientists confirm that the colour of antimatter is Blurple

How does it matter if its antimatter?

None of this matters

IN THE END, IT DOESN'T ANTIMATTER -hevipelle

How does NASA organise a party? They planet.

Electrons are now seeing the happy things in life. We're calling these happy electrons 'Positrons.' Wait, that's taken?

This completely useless sentence will get you nowhere and you know it. What a horrible obnoxious man would come up with it, he will probably go to hell, and why would the developer even implement it? Even if you kept reading it you wouldn't be able to finish it (the first time).

GHOST SAYS HELLO -Boo-chan

Can someone tell hevi to calm down? -Mee6

Due to Antimatter messing with physics, a creature that was once a moose is now a human

!hi

Alright -Alright

The English greeting is not present in Antimatter speak.

To buy max or not to buy max, that is the question

This antimatter triggers me

No, mom, I can't pause this game.

Scientific notation has entered the battlefield.

Make the Universe Great Again! -Tronald Dump

#dank-maymays

A new religion has been created, and it's spreading like wildfire. The believers of this religion worship the Heavenly Pelle, the goddess of antimatter. They also believe that 10^308 is infinite.

Someone has just touched a blob, and blown up. Was the blob antimatter, or was the guy made of Explodium?

If you are not playing on Kongregate or ivark.github.io, the site is bootleg.

Rate 5 on Kongregate so more people can experience this 5 star Rating
BOO!
You ate for too long. -hevipelle
I hate myself. -Boo-chan
Gee golly -Xandawesome
Above us, there is nothing above, But the stars, above.
If black lives matter, do white lives antimatter?
Somebody wasn't nice, he got an antimatter-storm.
You are living, you occupy space, you have a mass, you matter... unless you antimatter.
I clicked too fast... my PC is now dematerialised.
If an alien lands on your front lawn and extends an appendage as a gesture of greeting, before you get friendly, toss it an eightball. If the appendage explodes, then the alien was probably made of antimatter. If not, then you can proceed to take it to your leader. -Neil deGrasse Tyson
There always must be equal matter than there is antimatter, I guess your mom balances that a bit
Nothing is created, nothing is destroyed.
We dug a big hole to store this antimatter... Adele's rolling in it. (Song reference: Adele - Rolling in the Deep)
If everything is antimatter, how can you see yourself?
The stock markets have crashed due to antimatter beings somehow knowing what they will be tomorrow.
My dog ate too much antimatter, now he is doing 'meow!'
If you put infinity into your calculator it will result in 42!
You have found the rarest antimatter pepe, it's ultra rare!
Can we get 1e169 likes on this video??? Smash that like button!! (reference to YouTube videos having a like goal and people saying to smash the like button)
The smell of antimatter has been revealed. It smells like kittens
Just another antimatter in the wall
GET SNIPED, WEAKLING
Thanks a lot -dankesehr
A new chat server has been created for Antimatter people to spy on Matter people, and the world has fallen into chaos and discord (Discord reference, a chatting application for gamers and other people)
A new study has come out linking the consumption of potatoes with increased risk of Antimatter implosion. Scientists suggest eating more.
I thought that I fixed that bug but apparently some update broke it again -hevipelle
Maybe I'm gay then -Bootato
Breaking news! Hevipelle has just announced that the buy max button is in fact going to be removed!
I dedicate this game to my girlfriend (donate page has something about a girlfriend, if that is relevant)
Antimatter guns don't kill antimatter people, antimatter people kill antimatter people but does that mean that antimatter toaster doesn't toast antimatter toasts, antimatter toast toasts antimatter toasts?
But to an antimatter person, wouldn't they be matter and us antimatter?
And nothing Antimatters
School starting up strikes fear in students universe-wide, as schools are no longer segregated between Matter and antimatter. Annihilation is prominent.
Why does no one talk about the 0th dimension?
The fatter catter satter on the antimatter.
Who let the DOgs out? (reference to duooctogintillion, which in the "Standard" format, displays as "DOg", and a reference to Who Let The Dogs Out, a song by Baha Men)
If you can't read this you disabled the news.
Doesn't leave, just mutes the server so he doesn't receive notifications (probably discord reference)
Most quotes found online are falsely atributed -Abraham Lincoln (has mispelling)
It should work now, but it doesn't -hevipelle
This game doesn't have any errors... they're alternative successes.
A third type of matter has been discovered: null matter. It doesn't do anything and is basically useless. The scientists who discovered it were fired.
Your Mother-in-Law keeps nagging you about all these antimatter colliders.
If matter exists, then does antimatter not exist?
Antimatter=Life. Not cobblestone, not dirt, nothing like that. Antimatter.
Breaking News: Error Error Error
How much antiwood could an antiwoodchuck chuck if an antiwoodchuck could chuck antiwood? (play on the "how would a woodchuck chuck" phrase)
Chaos isnt a pit, chaos is a matter
That's because I'm a good game developer and pushed some code that totally works -hevipelle
What's the matter with anti matter?
Doesn't it annoy you when people don't finish their (left unfinished on purpose)
Don't anti-quote me on this
Antimatter is honest, matter makes up everything
According to no known laws of aviation, there are multiple ways a bee should be able to be swallowed up by antimatter
You either die as matter or live long enough to be consumed by the antimatter, and then die again
If you gaze long enough into the antimatter, the antimatter gazes back into you
Always gonna give you up. Always gonna let you down. - anti-Rick Astley (Song reference: Rick Astley - Never Gonna Give You Up)
Antimatter Dimensions: the next update is always 5 hours away. Always. (there are jokes where people would say that the update is always 5 hours away)
#DimensionLivesAntimatter
Do antimatter people with suicidal thoughts get depressants?
To matter or to antimatter, that is the question.
Why is everything so Hevi?
It has been scientifically proven ages ago, that cats made of matter are assholes. We have good news, because cats made of antimatter are still assholes
Nobody once told me the anti-world wasn’t gonna roll me (Song reference: Smash Mouth - All Star)
Antimatter is like internet. If you're reading this, you can't have enough of it.
Antimatter has made time travel possible and I'm here to make the past great again. - 2nd President of the World

Please insert Disc -1 to continue playing Antimatter Dimensions™.

Lore - coming soon ™ (despite this message, there is still no lore)

I was a part of antimatter like you once. But then I got matter in my knee.
Antimatter... antimatter never changes... until you get to quantum physics of antimatter, but we don't have enough tachyon particles for that.
There is no war in Antimatter Dimensions. Here we are safe. Here we are free.
Antimatter has solved global warming. In unrelated news, the Earth no longer exists.
Anti-water, anti-Earth, anti-fire, anti-air. Long ago, the four anti-nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the anti-Fire Nation attacked. Only the anti-Avatar, the master of all 4 anti-elements could bring balance to the anti-world, but when the world needed him most, he accidentally touched some regular matter and exploded. (referencing Avatar: The Last Airbender)
If you open an anti-lootbox, are you selling random possessions for in-game currency?
People are beginning to question Hevipelle's existence.
Antimatter Dimensions is proud to be sponsored by Lehmä! Now offering - grass eating lessons! Learn what grass is safe to eat and what grass isn't.
It is the year 2422. The update still isn't out. Hevi is working on balancing unfunity dimension dimensions and challenges for the 38th layer of prestige. There are over 100 rows of achievements. They're getting ready to start using breaking_breaking_breaking_infinity.js

Import Christmas for a secret theme (this is actually a thing, and also gives a secret achievement)
What the f*ck did you just f*cking say about me, you little b*tch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Antimatter Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the 9th Dimension, and I have over 300 NNnNeMI-NNnNe confirmed kills. I am trained in potato warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire Antimatter Galactic armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another infinity. I will wipe you the f*ck out with Max All mashing the likes of which has never been seen before in this dimension, mark my f*cking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Interdimensional network? Think again, f*cker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of autobuyers across the galaxy and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the Big Crunch, maggot. The Big Crunch that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re f*cking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven 😠💩 different ways, and that’s just with my mouse. Not only am I extensively trained in dimension shift combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Antimatter Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the universe, you little shit. If only you could have known what unhevi retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your f*cking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re buying until 10, you goddamn idiot. I will shit antimatter shit all over you and you will drown in it. You’re f*cking dead, kiddo. (Navy Seals Copypasta)
So I've pondered this question for a long time. Antimatter Dimensions... what does it mean? I mean it's game, that's clear. You buy the first dimension, and it gives you antimatter, and the second dimension provides more first dimensions and so on... But what does it mean? It can't just be a game, it seems too plain for that. The developer must have made it as a metaphor. I was doing my weekly ritual of using the fingernail clipper to cut my pubic hair, when finally the realization came to me. The dimensions are just thinly veiled misspellings of the word 'depression'. Regular matter are the cruel and negative thoughts that add to and fuel depression, while antimatter is the positive thoughts and good friends that dispel it You start off with something simple, and it fights almost imperceptibly against the depression, but as you keep going the fight builds. But it never seems to fix everything. The depression seems like it could go on to infinity. So you keep going. But eventually, you figure out, depression isn't infinite. It's just very very large. But your 'dimensions' eventually, with enough work, make enough 'antimatter' to usurp that seeming infinity of depression. Then the possibilities are endless. You are actually happy for once, and your happiness grows exponentially as you go beyond and seemingly 'break' the 'infinity' of depression. And you go on until that 'infinity' seems tiny in comparison to the happiness you've managed to achieve in your life, where if you reset you get over that infinity in less than the blink of an eye. If you want to know what the multiple layers of prestige are...'Dimensional Shifts' are getting new things and methods to give you happiness. 'Dimensional Boosts' are upgrading the things and methods. Examples would be getting a new car being a 'Dimensional Shift' and trading that car in for a new one would be a 'Dimensional Boost'. 'Eternities' are major tragedies such as a loved one dying. That lapse brings you straight back to the beginning, with seemingly no hope of return. But with time, you grow back stronger and happier than ever before. 'Dimensional Sacrifice' is moving away. You have to give up a lot of the things you had that made you happy, but there is new opportunity in where you move to. And that new opportunity gives you more happiness than you ever had. 'Tickspeed' is how easy it is to make you happy, and 'Time Dimensions' make it even easier to be happy. Antimatter Dimensions is a metaphor for a depressed man's successful battle against his illness.
(Make me sleep) Put me to sleep inside. (I can't sleep) Put me to sleep inside. (Leave me) Whisper my name and give me to the dark. (Make me sleep) Bid my milk to stay. (I can't fall asleep) Before I become done. (Leave me) Leave me to the nothing I've become. (Song reference: Evanescence - Bring Me to Life)
A preview of the next update - loot boxes! Feel a sense of pride and progression as you open cosmic, galactic, and universal lootboxes for chances at rare skins, unique challenges with uniquer rewards, time skips and even new dimensions!
The intent of dimensions is to give a sense of pride and accomplishment
Refreshing cures cancer (Refreshing while having Cancer notation will change Cancer to Emoji, but won't change anything else)

I have a 9th, i have a dimension... UHH... IT DOESN'T EXIST! (PPAP reference)
Since when did we start reporting stuff like this? Half of it isn't even proper news, it's just jokes and meta-references, it doesn't even make sens-HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK CO-
The year is 1944, Hevipelle can't release updates for AD because he doesn't exist
"THAT DIMENSION DOESN\'T EXIST" -GhostBot
Most things you know as nuts are actually Drupe seeds or Legumes. Hevipelle on the other hand is quite crazy and can thus be considered a dry uncompartmented fruit.
(in newsticker.js: LZString.decompressFromEncodedURIComponent("GISwdgNghmAmAEsCmBjaAnJBneAXAFlLvCLgOQ5a5Tq7gDmeA9iQLYAOTt8AwjCknRA")
(also in newsticker.js: 'LZString.decompressFromEncodedURIComponent("IIGxAIBcAsEsGdywLYAcD2AnSsB2BzJRZAQwGs9DkBTcAYXVwDMBXeagEyA"))
Only today you can call 1-800-ANTIMATTER and get a FREE Infinity Dimension! The package also comes with a COMPLETELY FREE SHIPPING and a FREE HIGH DEFINITION ANTI-V!!! Only today for the low price of 42! Estimated delivery time - 5 hours. (Infinity Dimensions are another dimension type in the game, and the 5 hour joke)
1e420 blaze it. (reference to 4/20)
This game doesn't have any bugs, you're just doing it wrong.
Antimatter_Dimensions.mp1.79e308
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ (Link to YouTube video, which actually is a rickroll)
Click this to unlock a secret achievement. (Actually clicking this when it is on the news will give a secret achievement, "Real News".)
Warning - We have just been informed that there is a chance of infection with a mind-virus of the Basilisk type, similar to the infamous winking parrot. This particular example is known as 'Fractal Cancer Type III'. This is believed to cause a 'crashing' of the mind, similar to a computer crash, due to the mathematical complexity of the image causing mathematical ideas that the mind can't comprehend, a Gondelian shock input eventually leading to crashing through Gondelian spoilers. All who have researched it have eventually died the same way, so it is impossible to tell exactly, but this is the common belief. Regardless, with the introduction of 'cancer' mode, as well as reports of it's spontaneous appearance, sufficient repetition of this mode's appearance may lead to an image forming in the mind similar to 'Fractal Cancer Type III'. With this in mind, we have some suggestions if you find yourself plagued with it. First, refresh immediately and see if that fixes the issue. If not, navigate to options, and change the theme from cancer to literally anything else. And above all else, Godspeed. We can't afford to lose anymore viewers. (Referencing the Cancer notation/theme)
If I have bad English, I'll study English until I have good English.
Someone once told me that antimatter is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest atom in the shed. WELL, the tubes start coming and they don't stop coming... (Song reference: Smash Mouth - All Star)
Because of this game I can now use the word "infinity" as a verb.
Ahhh i love the smell of particle annihilation in the morning
The person who said ghosts don't exist obviously doesn't have a discord (probably discord reference)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAntimatter Dimensions was made by some dude from Finland (Hevipelle, the developer, is from Finland)
The Holy trinity of Hevipelle, Antimatter, Infinity Points, and Eternity Points. These 3 resources let us access Hevi’s gift, Time Theorems. And with these Time Theorems, we reach out to Hevi, and call, “Hevi, bless us on this fine day!” And Hevi does. He give us the blessing of Time Studies. These Time Studies were blessings so powerful, Hevi restricted their power. He said, “ I will give you a choice of three paths” and then humanity chose. The short, cheap route of Normal Dimensions, giving instant gratification, the powerful choice of Infinity Dimensions, which were a fast, middle ground path, or Time Dimension, the long wait, and struggle, of humanity. Then, as humanity chose, a crack broke the earth. A serpent snaked out and sneered to humanity, “I will offer the powerful choice of a ninth dimension! I am Slabdrill, lord of all Unhevi. Humanity rose and said “ Begone Slabdrill! We want none of your foul Heresy!” And Hevi rose as well, and smote Slabdrill with his godlike power. As Slabdrill’s corpse fell into the earth, he cried “ this will not be the last of me! Hevi will betr-“ and he fell in the Abyss of matter. Hevi gifted humanity with Eternity upgrades, which boosted infinity dimensions and time dimensions. And Hevi gave humanity his greatest gift . EP multipliers. He said, these will multiply all EP gained by 5, but their cost will increase 25 times. Use them wisely. And Humanity journeyed off with their new power, as Slabdrill’s words echoed in their heads. (Contains spoilers for Eternity)
We have updated our Antimatter Privacy Policy. (reference to emails saying that they changed their Privacy Policy)

Pre-Infinity

You just made your 1,000,000,000,000,000 antimatter. This one tastes like chicken (If player.money.e == 15, or you have 1 trillion to 9.999 trillion antimatter)
Nerf the galaxies please. (if player.galaxies == 2 || player.infinitied > 0)
What do you mean, more than two dimensions??? We're on a screen, clearly there are only 2 dimensions. (If player.thirdAmount.gt(0) (0 3rd dimensions) || player.resets > 0)
How much is Infinity? -literally everyone at least once (if player.eightAmount.eq(190) (190 8th dimensions) || player.infinitied > 0)
Eh, the Fourth Dimension is alright... (if player.fourthAmount.gt(0) && player.fifthAmount.eq(0))
Antimatter people seem to be even more afraid of 13 then we are. They destroyed entire galaxies just to remove 13 from their percents. (player.galaxies > 0 (have at least 1 galaxy) || player.infinitied > 0)
To understand dimensional sacrifice, you do actually need a PhD in theoretical physics. Sorry! (player.sacrificed.e >= 10 (player.sacrificed.e is greater or equal to 10) || player.resets >= 6 (player.resets is greater or equal to 6))
A new group for the standardisation of numbers have come forward with a novel new format involving emoji's. (if player.spreadingCancer > 0 (player.spreadingCancer is greater than 0, meaning you bought at least 1 galaxy with Cancer/Emoji notation)
Antimatter ice cream stand has recently opened- they have octillions of flavors! (if player.totalmoney.e >= 27 (if player.totalmoney.e is greater than or equal to 27)
The Heavenly Pelle has generated too much antimatter and needed to create another galaxy. This one can be seen in the southwestern sky. (player.galaxies > 0 (have at least 1 galaxy) || player.infinitied > 0)
What does the CTRL button do again? (holding the "controlDown" key)

9th Dimension (needs at least 5 soft resets/dimension boosts, or 1 or more galaxies)

9th Dimension is a lie. (player.resets >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0)
The square root of 9 is 3, therefore the 9th dimension can't exist. (player.resets >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0)
You got assimilated by the 9th dimension? Just call your doctor for mental illness! (player.resets >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0)
Why is there no 9th dimension? Because 7 8 9. (player.resets >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0) (The 7 ate 9 joke)
The 9th dimension cannot exist because the Nein-speaking nazis died in WW2. (player.resets >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0)
If you break the fourth wall... well, there's still the fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth to get through before you encounter bad things, so you should be fine (player.resets >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0) (there is a followup to this message)
Conditions must be met for Hevipelle to sleep. First, it needs to be a blue moon. Second, a specific town in the arctic must have not seen light for a month. Third, he needs to release an AD update. And finally, no one on the discord can be on dimension 9. Only then can he rest, for up to 6 hours, before waking up forcefully to avoid getting the offline achievement. ((player.resets >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0) && (and) player.achievements.includes("r22") (you have the "FAKE NEWS!" achievement) (mentions Discord and "Don't you dare sleep" achievement)
If the 9th dimension is all evil, then is 3 the root of all evil? (player.resets >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0)

Post-Infinity, Pre-Replicanti

I've got 1.79e308 problems, but none of them antimatters (if player.infinitied > 0 && !player.break (if player.break is false, this is true (you didn't break infinity in the Break Infinity tab))

Anti Emoji Movie a huge hit (if player.spreadingCancer >= 5 (5 galaxies bought in Cancer/Emoji notation)) (there is a followup to this message if you get at least 3,999 galaxies bought in Cancer/Emoji notation)
If this game was made by Valve, Zero Deaths would be impossible. (if player.achievements.includes("r43") (you have the "Zero Deaths" achievement))
Florida man attempts to get Zero Deaths on first run, is stopped by heat death of the universe. (if player.achievements.includes("r43") (you have the "Zero Deaths" achievement))
Having done half the achievements isn't much of an achievement -Boo (if player.achievements.length >= 40)

Post-Replicanti

Thanos is gonna be super dissapointed when he shows up with a fully powered infinity gauntlet, and Hevi has a fully powered eternity gauntlet (if player.eternities > 0 (you have at least 1 eternity)) (Reference to Infinity War (sort of))
New strange material was been found. It seems to grow exponentially, but only helps with antimatter production. (if you have unlocked replicanti, and player.replicanti.chance is 1% (player.replicanti.unl && player.replicanti.chance == 0.01))
It seems this \"replicanti\" stuff won't be growing any faster now. (if replicanti chance and interval is maxed out (player.replicanti.chance == 1 && player.replicanti.interval == 1))

News Array (News appears based on how many news you encounter, and what news has appeared)

Does Hevi just pick quotes to put into the game? (player.newsArray.length >= 30)

New news company has become rivals with us. They are made entirely of antimatter. (player.newsArray.length >= 80)
How many times can we use \"Anti\" in a row before people stop listening? (player.newsArray.length >= 100)
Need more quotes! -hevipelle (player.newsArray.length >= 135)
You're almost there! (player.newsArray.length >= 160)
You can stop now (player.newsArray.length >= 165)
fucking hacker (player.newsArray.length >= 200)
Asian man trys to steal the trophy of fastest infinty of -1 seconds, AND HE DOES IT! (if player.newsArray.includes("c1"))
I broke the 8th wall, there is only chaos, Slabdrill is ritually sacrificing antimatter to the 9th dimension. This will be my last entry, may Hevipelle have mercy on our souls, we didn't listen, We should have listened. (if player.newsArray.includes("b17")) (Slabdrill is a user, most notably on the Antimatter Dimensions server, which has some relations with the 9th dimension)
I thought the update was 5 hours away... -new players after more than 5 hours of gameplay (if player.newsArray.includes("a91") && (and) player.totalTimePlayed >= 600*300 (you have played for at least 5 hours)
Somebody told me to wait five hours for the update yesterday but it's today and it still hasn't come! What do I do? (if player.newsArray.includes("a91") && (and) player.totalTimePlayed >= 600*300 (you have played for at least 5 hours)

Hard (difficulty)

You do know that you won't reach Infinity in -1 seconds, right? (if player.bestInfinityTime == 0.1 (0.01 seconds))
Where does Antimatter Nemo live? In a NNnNeMI-NNnNe. (if player.totalmoney.e >= 3e6) (there is a comment saying "might not be poss?" meaning that this may not be possible, however, you can get numbers greater than 1e300,000.)
Anti Emoji Movie MMMCMXCIX is a major hit! (if player.spreadingCancer >= 3999) (Get at least 3,999 galaxies bought in Cancer/Emoji notation)
Achievement Unlocked! (if player.achievements.length == 88) (You have to have 88 achievements for this ticker, no more, no less. You can complete up to row 11 achievements and get this ticker)
Did you use an autoclicker for that? (if player.timestudy.studies.includes(131) (Automatic replicanti galaxies are disabled but you get 50% more) && player.thisInfinityTime <= 600 (less than or equal to 60 seconds) && player.replicanti.galaxies >= 50 (have at least 50 replicanti galaxies))
Timing is key. (if player.thisEternity < 1) (have less than 0.1 seconds into a Eternity)
If you want to farm infinitied, why don't you just get the time study? (!player.timestudy.studies.includes(32) (Don't have "You gain (dimensional boosts)x more infinitied stat (based on dimensional boosts)" study && (and) player.infinitied > 72000 * 168 (have more than 12,096,000 infinitied stat))
The achievement is for two million, not two billion... (if player.infinitied > 2e9) (Have over 2 billion infinitied stat (1 OoM (order of magnitude) more than the 2 Million Infinities achievement))
Keep up the quick pace! (if Marathon > 1200) (If antimatter/sec exceeds for that long (2 minutes))
One day you will stop your incessant grind. (player.eternities > 50000 (have over 50,000 eternities)) (You have to grind in order to beat all the Eternity Challenges, so grinding will happen for a long time)
You can probably stop farming for eternities now... (player.eternities > 2000000 (have over 2,000,000 eternities)) (2 million eternities at this point is way beyond the soft cap for Eternity Upgrade 2, and Time Study 193 won't increase further (after around 1,012,680 eternities))
Are you serious? (if worstChallengeTime <= 0.1 (less than or equal to))
The amazing speedster (if infchallengeTimes <= 0.8 (less than or equal to))

Luck (self explanatory)

This news message is 1000x rarer than all the others. (if Math.random() < 0.001)
You just won a small prize in the lottery. (if Math.random() < 1e-4)
You just won a moderate prize in the lottery. (if Math.random() < 1e-5)
You just won a large prize in the lottery. (if Math.random() < 1e-6)
You just won a huge prize in the lottery. (if Math.random() < 1e-7)
You just won a massive prize in the lottery. (if Math.random() < 1e-8)
You just won a very massive prize in the lottery. (if Math.random() < 1e-9)
You just won the lottery. (if Math.random() < 1e-10)
Just how lucky are you? (if Math.random() < 1e-11)
This news message is 1000000000000x rarer than all the others. (if Math.random() <= 1e-12)

"Missable" (Pay)

How dare you actually get zero deaths on a first run? (if player.achievements.includes("r43") && player.infinitied == 1 && player.eternities == 0) (if you have Zero Deaths achievement, have 1 infinitied stat and 0 eternities stat)
Legend says the ninth dimension is supposed to be found here, but I don't see anything. (if player.money.e >= 41900 && !player.replicanti.unl && player.eternities == 0) (if player.money.e is greater than 41900, and replicanti hasn't been unlocked, and player.eternities == 0 (no eternities))
Person with money likes to support this game. (if kongDimMult > 1 || kongIPMult > 1)
Whale is bad at making smart purchases. (if kongIPMult > 500 && kongDimMult < 5e307)
Whale complains that the game broke. (if kongDimMult > 5e307)
Whale complains that their buying isn't doing anything. (if kongIPMult > 1.8e16)